Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
