i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
