There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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