I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
