I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
