i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
