that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
im six kinds of drunk right now
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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