After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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