He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
