It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
