Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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