insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
