Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
His hands were made for my vagina.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
