do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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