just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
