Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
