life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
