my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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