Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
