I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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