i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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