Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
