We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
