What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
