i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
