9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
