So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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