so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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