Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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