Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
