"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
