There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
