i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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