you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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