im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
