plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
