Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
