Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the day after is always just damage control
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
