you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
