Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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