I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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