Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
