I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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