i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
