And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
