well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
