Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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