Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
