I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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