ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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